Are We Born Lazy?

Author: Lorrie Young

Last week I had a great conversation with another mother friend who was simply picking my brain about how to get kids to do chores--diligently and consistently. I readily admit this is a struggle with our kids, and probably all kids if we are honest. In fact, I would say it's a struggle for us as adults too! It's not easy to keep the ball moving in the direction of being intentional in all areas of our life, and not drifting toward laziness. Right?

However--Ben and I believe it is a battle worth fighting for. We both grew up in families that modeled hard work, honored it, and taught it. And we are better for it. Sometimes it’s easy to say things like, "Well my son or daughter is such a hard worker by nature...but my other son/daughter is just sort of naturally lazy. We have such a hard time getting him/her to do this or that."

Now this may be 100% true. All children are made with different personalities and bents toward different areas. But is this acceptable? Here's a big secret that keeps me content as a stay-at-home-homeschooling-mother. Listen carefully---I DON'T DO EVERYTHING MYSELF. My kids and husband pull their fair share of the weight around here--we are a family--we encourage, and expect everyone--to be part of our team. Our kids are good kids, and almost always they are willing to help out without much prodding or complaining. Yet our goal--through deliberate training and prayer--is that they will begin to initiate more, and be more attentive to noticing the needs around them and then learn to dive in on their own. I  recently read this quote from a book called Teach your Team to Fish by Laurie Beth Jones:

"When values are internalized

 the need for rules diminishes."

Ben and I truly believe this to be true. The more we help kids understand what the Bible says about something, and then help them to value those things--the less need we will have for rules and charts. They will follow because they want to, and they will see the benefit in doing so. Will this happen overnight? No. Will this happen without intention? No. Will they need reminding? Yes. And re-reminding? Double yes.

As parents, we cannot give up or settle for laziness in our home or or in the hearts of our children. If we have a child that has a tendency toward laziness--we need to sit down and take time to teach, train, and pray for their hearts in this area. We can and should expect greater things from them.  I know sometimes it seems easier to just do something ourselves, rather than teach and train our kids to work hard. But eventually we will get burned out, bitter and annoyed. We aren't doing our family any favors by allowing them to think that someone will always be there to pick up the slack, tend to every need, cover over mistakes, and make sure they don't face the consequences of their laziness.

 Below are some practical tools to help us lead our kids in the right direction. Of course, keep in mind our example, by far, is the most powerful tool! We should take some time to evaluate our own heart, and how we measure up in this area. Then with prayer and God's strength make the necessary adjustments!

 This story of The Grasshopper and the Ants drives home the lesson of the consequences of laziness and is a great visual for the kids. Watch the video of the Grasshopper and the Ants here.  See also the printable version of story here.

Something to go along with it find coloring pages and crafts here.

This music album by Sovereign Grace Ministries is awesome, and this song, Lazy Bones is very applicable to this lesson. Ben, myself, and the kids love the entire CD--and often find ourselves singing it around the house. By entire album here.

The bible also has much to say on the topic--and spending some time reading through these verses will be a good reminder for us all.

Top Ten Bible Verses to Combat Laziness:
1. You lazy fool, look at an ant.
Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.
Nobody has to tell it what to do.
All summer it stores up food;
at harvest it stockpiles provisions.
So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?
How long before you get out of bed?
A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there,
sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next?
Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life,
poverty your permanent house guest! ~Proverbs 6:6-11 (The Message)

2. Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and become a slave. ~Proverbs 12:24 (NLT)

3. A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things. ~Proverbs 18:9 (NLT)

4. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. ~Proverbs 31:27 (NLT)

5. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. ~Romans 12:11 (NLT)

6. A shiftless man lives in a tumbledown shack; A lazy woman ends up with a leaky roof. ~Ecclesiastes 10:18 (The Message)

7. Despite their desires, the lazy will come to ruin, for their hands refuse to work. ~Proverbs 21:25 (NLT)

8. A lazy life is an empty life, but “early to rise” gets the job done. ~Proverbs 12:27 (The Message)

9. Those too lazy to plow in the right season will have no food at the harvest. ~Proverbs 20:4 (NLT)

10. Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper. ~Proverbs 13:4 (NLT)

How bout ya'll? Do you think we are born lazy? What are some ways you intentionally teach your children about the value of hard work?

Is Voting Valuable?

Oh My! Elections are right around the corner, friends! Whether we consider ourselves "political" or not, it's difficult to ignore the media, opinions, debates, and signs galore!  Whatever our views may be, we can all agree that voting gives us a voice--and that's a great thing to teach our children.  In our house we'll be learning the basics about elections this fall--using several great resources and letting the kids have their own election at home--complete with posters and promotions!  Activity book here. Another great resource here. A friend recently passed on the following statistics that are quite shocking! Only 50% of our church congregations are registered to vote! Out of that 50%, less than half show up to vote. In order for faith-based values to win on Election Day, it makes sense that we need to get out there and vote!  So let's spend some time this fall learning about the issues, helping our kids understand and appreciate our government system and presidential election! Let's first make sure we are registered to vote! Then grab your kids and GO vote. My husband and I make an effort at every election to take our kids with us right into the voting booth! We want them to value the people that came before us and fought to give us the privilege of voting, and the blessing of having a voice! Remember though, you must register to vote no later than 4pm on October 18, 2016 in order to vote in the November 8, 2016 General Election. Registering to vote is fast and easy.  Click here to register to vote online at the WV Secretary of State website.  At the end of the day we must remember--we can do our part--and we should do our part, but we aren't in control of the end results! I recently read a great article reminding us why we don't need to fear elections. Check it out here. Happy Voting!

Transitions are Tough!

Hello Friends! My name is Lorrie Young. I’m one of the Thesis Admin team members, and I wanted to share some encouragement for you moms out there as you either begin your homeschool journey—or simply begin a new school year.

TRANSITIONS are TOUGH!

Maybe it’s the transition from Toddlerhood to the structure of Kindergarten. Perhaps it’s going from teaching shorter hours of elementary work to longer hours in those middle school years. Possibly you are feeling the nerves of being in charge of high school documentation and feeling overwhelmed! Maybe it’s none of that, but simply going from the care free summer schedule back to sitting at the table, and working for hours together.

Whatever the case may be—transitions are tough, aren’t they? It seems every year I envision our year starting out perfectly—new books and sharpened pencils just longing to be used! All the clean and crisp charts ready to be marked off, and the grand plans for fun trips and projects! Of course in my dreams, the kids follow my plans exactly, and surely finish up right before noon so we could head to the park for lunch!

                                                                   

However, after seven years of homeschooling, I’ve discovered the perfect start isn’t a realistic expectation.  The reality: Transitions are tough!

Last Monday was our first day. And even though I told myself to have LOW expectations, I still found myself puzzled by the tough transition. One child was in tears over math facts before 10:30am, I had raised my voice by noon, and one child was destined to be in bed before 7pm for many minor infractions throughout the day. Add to that, adjusting to getting less done around the house, talking more than usual, and misplacing a few essential things! By days end I felt like I was one of the broken crayons rolling around under the kitchen table!

Not exactly a dream start. Why? Because: Transitions are tough!

I think back to my first day of Kindergarten—nervous at all the new people and things to do. I remember my first day in the 7^th grade after a big move, and the anxiety of not knowing anyone, changing classes, and finding my bus. I remember the first day of college—sitting on my bed wondering how I would manage such a big campus, difficult classes, and missing home. I remember my first day of nursing school and the weight and pressure of the workload!  And I’ll never forget the sweet fall day we drove our oldest son home from the hospital two days after he was born—wondering, What now!? Oh, and then the year we decided to homeschool—Oh my word—the fear!

While our experiences may differ, we certainly have all faced the truth: Transitions are tough!

Regarding transitions, have you ever said, I can’t! I don’t know what to do! Was I wrong to do this? How will I manage?  Am I the only one struggling?

As I look back over the years—all those transitions were tough! But each one brought lessons I couldn’t have learned otherwise. What I have gained, I wouldn’t trade: A dependency and deep trust in the Lord; a humility, richness, fullness, and confidence that is immeasurable.

And in time—I made friends, graduated nursing school, learned how to be a mom, and…yes, even educate our children from home!

Where would I be if I had quit? What would I have learned? What would I have missed out on? 

                                                                                                                     

 As you enter a new school year—let me encourage you to keep these quick tips in mind to make your transition smoother:

• HAVE LOW OR NO EXPECTATIONS.  Expect to explain things—over and over again. Expect everything to take longer than you thought. Expect struggle in the sitting, and the listening and the learning. Expect to not get anything done before 4pm (even a shower), because you know: Transitions are tough!

• GO SLOW. Don’t introduce everything, the first day. Take it easy, and pace yourself. We wouldn’t teach our kids to walk, eat solids, go the potty, and read on the same day. Each new thing—takes time. Give them time to warm up to an idea or concept slowly. They don’t need to adapt to their basic classes, write a essay, do an art project, learn a new chore chart, practice piano and get ready for soccer practice all on the first day!

• DWELL ON WHAT WENT RIGHT; NOT WHAT WENT WRONG. I have a bad habit of verbally spilling my day to my husband when he walks through the door. Mostly, I share the things that didn’t go well first, and then follow with all the other stuff. This week I decided to do the opposite. You wouldn’t believe how that changed his perspective on our day and especially the kids who were listening!

• BELIEVE BETTER DAYS ARE ON THE HORIZON. Don’t overthink during transition times. A few tough days doesn’t mean we need to restructure everything. It might just take some time. Instead, take a warm shower, go for a walk and get a good night’s sleep.  Most problems seem better with a little perspective.

Remember---all the transitions we’ve been through in our lifetime have probably begun with some level of anxiety, fear, exhaustion, and feelings of being overwhelmed. More often than not though, it’s never too long before we are off and running smoothly!

Why Do I Keep Comparing?

Have you ever noticed how thoughts can creep up on you? 

It's not like I've ever woken up in the morning and thought "Wow,  today is the perfect day to covet!" 

That's not how it works. 

Our thoughts wander, little by little, to places they shouldn't be.

Ronnie & I both had very good jobs B.C. (before children).  And to be honest, we were not frugal back then- we liked new things, we like eating out, and that was fine.   Fast forward 7 years & 3 kids later and things are a little different.  I don't work full time at a demanding (and well paying) job.  I am a full time wife, mother, teacher, and homemaker. 

And I know I'm right where God wants me at this time in life. 

Yet, I still have to remind myself that it's not about shiny new toys like campers or iPads - my items of covet this weekend. 

So I come home.  I ask God to forgive my poor attitude.  I pray to desire Him more than these temporary things.  And I remember that I am here "for such a time as this".  I am here to be the best daughter of the King, wife to my husband and mother to our children, that I can be - with God's help.   

And that's a pretty great "thing".
 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

How to Avoid Apologizing.

I've noticed lately that I'm averaging about one apology a week.  Minimum.

You see, I tend to be a little blunt. 

I also tend to think that I'm right - a lot. 

Turns out, I'm not as right as I think I am on a regular basis.

Imagine that.

Proverbs 12:18 says "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

You see, when I just pop off with whatever runs through my head, I'm jabbing my friends and family with a sword.  I'm hurting them with my thoughtless words.  I'm being inconsiderate.  And I'm definitely not showing God's love to them. 

When I overhear my boys fighting, I always ask them to check their words.

Is what you're saying nice?  Is it necessary?  Does it glorify God?

You see, not everything that we have to say is going to be nice.  Sometimes, there are hard situations to face and those words will be necessary.

Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, I do feel that what I have to say is necessary.  I need to tell someone exactly what I think of them and the situation or I will explode!  Which means there's probably nothing nice in what I'm about to say.

But the standard that I have to measure my speech comes from number three.  Does it glorify God in my saying it?  You see, this is where I really need a pause button.  To stop and think before I speak. I need to ask myself if by what I'm saying, am I bringing others closer to Christ or driving them away?  When they see me do they say "I wish I had what she has (Jesus)" or do they say "If that's what Jesus does in her life, she can keep Him, I don't need that".

Psalm 19:14 is my prayer for my words:

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

When You Don't Enjoy Every Minute.

Many people are familiar with the beautiful passage in Ecclesiastes that talks about seasons. “A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,” and so on. It’s Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 if you want to go read it; go ahead, I’ll wait for you!

Many parents are also accustomed to a phrase that’s become something of stock advice in our society: “Oh, enjoy every minute of it.” To which I want to say, “Every minute? Really? EVERY MINUTE?”

Last night, my fed-and-changed infant was in the living room crying, my toddler was wandering around yelling at people, my kindergartens were demanding I read them a story and then screeching (like birds, no less) when I said they had to wait, while I sat on a bunk bed and stripped pee-soaked

bedsheets.
I did not enjoy that minute. Sometimes, we don’t enjoy minutes. Sometimes, we sort of hate them. Or, sometimes, we hold our breath and can’t wait for them to be over.

Allow me for a moment to rewrite some of Ecclesiastes for parents:

There is time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to pee and a time to hold it,
A time to shower and a time to smell,
A time to clean and a time to refrain from cleaning,
A time to read and a time to turn on the TV,
A time to barf and a time to poop,
A time to bake and a time to buy Oreos,
A time to speak calmly and a time to cry,
A time to go out and a time to stay home,
A time to build forts and a time to hide in the bathroom,
A time to do laundry and a time to rewear things,
A time to yell and a time to feel bad about yelling,
A time to enjoy and a time to survive.

The truth is, parenting is a 24/7 gig, and even if you love being a parent, there are probably going to be moments you don’t like or don’t enjoy. Sometimes, being a parent is a burden. There are times when we don’t want to do the dishes, we don’t want to start school for the day, we don’t want to deal with a meltdown. There are nights when we’d rather just yell, “Go to bed!” instead of going through a routine.

There are days when kids are sick or whiny or rotten or days when we’re sick or whiny or rotten.

There are days when getting everyone on track with school work and reading through a lesson seems like climbing a mountain.

So, what then? Are the people advising us to “enjoy every minute” just spiteful? Or viewing their past through rose-colored glasses? Or oblivious? Or insane? I don’t think so.

“What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.”
Ecclesiastes 3:9-13

I think most of the people who stop us in the grocery store or the church hallway, on the sidewalk or at the park, and urge us to “enjoy every minute” aren’t trying to ladle guilt on our overwhelmed, stressed, tired lives. I think that when we hear it that way, we’re missing the point and maybe setting too high a goal for ourselves. We sometimes even resent the advice. How dare they tell us to enjoy every minute– are they not aware that this same child sweetly clinging to a hand was the same child who snuck into the kitchen and ate leftover pizza and raw mushrooms and then fell asleep on the floor and scared us to death (true story)?

Or the same child that seems sedate and calm and well-mannered is the same child who casually knifed our couch in fifteen places and then screamed and yelled and slammed doors and tore a hole in the bedroom wall when we took the pocketknife away (another true story, no names)?

I think that when we hear “enjoy every minute,” ninety percent of the people (leaving ten percent for insane people here) are really telling us something else. They’re saying, “Hold on. I miss part of what you have. Make sure you find moments to enjoy.”

Find satisfaction in all their toil- this is the gift of God.

We cannot enjoy every single moment of our children. That’s putting a lot of pressure on them and expecting a large amount of temporal satisfaction for an endeavor that is far from temporal. The truth is, our children cannot and should not satisfy us every minute. That is not their job. But the gift of God is being able to see beyond the temporal, our eyes fixed on something More. And when we do not expect our children to satisfy and fulfill us every single minute, then we can step back from the list of tasks and see the school work and cleaning and discipline not as our end goal but toil along the way. Toil that we can find satisfaction in, not because of what it is, but because of where we are headed and the trust that God will make all things beautiful in their time.

When we hear “enjoy every minute,” I don’t think we’re being told that we’re awful parents and doing something wrong if we’re not enjoying it. I think we’re being told that what we do is hard work but worth finding satisfaction in.

We can enjoy the small victories, the tiny kindnesses to a sibling, the awkward hugs, the trusting cuddles, the laughter, the weird ideas…when they come. We can be looking for them, watching for them like diamonds in the rough of our days. When you hear, “Enjoy every minute,” instead of rolling your eyes (like I’m prone to do), hear the encouragement:

Find satisfaction. It’s there. Don’t give up, don’t lose heart. This isn’t all there is.
Take a deep breath, acknowledge that it’s okay that it is toil. It is okay that it is hard. It is okay that you don’t always like it or enjoy it. But you can find moments worth enjoying because God hasn’t left you stranded in a thankless, pointless, worthless endeavor– someday, those who run the race will hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

And you even get to enjoy some moments in the midst of your waiting and work. And the more you look for those moments of beauty and satisfaction, instead of feeling guilty that you don’t enjoy cleaning up poop (because, you know, you aren’t a crazy person), the more you might find them and savor them and not miss them. And then maybe– just maybe– dealing with some whining or doing the dishes again won’t seem so bad.
This post was written by Audrey Simmons and originally appeared at Positive Adoption.

How do I feel about socialization?

How do I feel about socialization?

(Insert deep dramatic sigh here.)

Socialization.  The word that makes this homeschool moms roll her eyes and count to ten when it's mentioned.

"Don't you worry that your kids won't be socialized?"

"How will your kids learn how to act around other kids?"

"You can't protect them from the world forever, they need to learn about the real world.'

Oh.  My. Goodness.

Just stop!

We don't live in a bubble or a commune.  We live our community.  We do speak to others.  Surprisingly enough, we can even converse about things other than the Bible.  Shocking, I know. 

Yes, my kids are involved in church where they interact with other kids.  Don't assume that doesn't count because it's just church kids.  My kids have learned about all kinds of things from church kids, including zombies that will eat your brains.  They go to MMA class twice a week now - in the past they've done community soccer or basketball - and they actually spend time with other kids there as well.  Just this week at the park, they were playing with (gasp) strangers - and had no trouble joining the group and playing.  And don't forget co-op.  It may not be eight hours a day, five days a week with kids only in their age group, but surprisingly enough they have made friends there that they even like to play with outside of co-op. 

Here's the thing.  If your main reason for homeschooling is to control who your children interact with, you'll probably want to hang it up right now.  That's just not possible.  No matter where your child is educated, correcting misinformation and behavior is always going to be part of your job.  Deal with it.

Now, about the "real world" comments - yes, I do want to protect them from the "real world".  What parent doesn't?  There is nothing wrong with childen being innocent while they are children!  My 5, 6 & 8 year old shouldn't know about s*x, or pot, or even "bad words".  No kids that age should.  Whether you homeschool, send your kids to public school or choose private school, your job is to protect their innocence. 

Let them be kids.

So basically, don't ask me about socialization. 

We got it covered!
 

What didn't work for me.

What didn't work for me?  Hmmm...  Well, lots of things.

Working two days a week regularly and homeschooling didn't work for me.  It was too much.  I now know my limits, even if I don't always listen to them.  I am not super mom, super nurse, super wife or super anything.  I'm just me.  Doing my best.

Pushing on with curriculum that had the boys (and myself) in tears daily didn't work for me.  At some point I had to choose to ditch that expensive program because it didn't suit our family or the boys learning styles. 

Trying to put the boys into a cookie cutter mold of what a homeschooled child "should be" - you know uber smart, able to name all the presidents by age 3 - didn't work for me.  All kids are different.  The boys are ahead in some subjects and behind in others.  That's kind of the beauty of homeschooling.  We can customize our learning experiences to each child.

Comparing my life to someone elses.  I'm going to be honest here.  This one is still a trap for me.  I don't have a lot of free time.  My husband can't watch the kids often because he works alot.  And frankly, when he is home, I don't want to leave.  I want to be with him too.  But sometimes I can get cranky because so and so gets to do this or that and I don't.  Just. Stop. It.

Being a from scratch kind of girl.  Yes, while I garden, can and raise animals, I still buy my bread from a store way more than I make it.  And while I'd like to be that person that grinds their own wheat and bakes from scratch someday, the reality is that time is also valuable.  If I had to chose making bread or playing with the kids - well, that's an easy one, right?

Pushing the kids to do more, be involved more, because it looks good for the portfolio didn't work for me.  And yes, I did do this.  Running to the soccer field four times a week in years past and basketball in the Winter and swimming in the Summer.....they were all great things, but the boys were tired, I was tired - it was just too much.  If it's something they're interested in, then that's great.  But I feel sometimes we just run and run for the kids and never get to spend time as a family.  

In case you didn't realize it already, not having dedicated family time didn't work for me.  And it still doesn't.  We need time to build those relationships between mom and dad, parent and child and as siblings with each other.  Time.  It needs to be a priority.  We actually block out family time on our calender every Monday evening.  If we've spent time together in the past week, we may go ahead and skip this, but it's at least on the calendar so we make it a priority.


These are just a few of the things that haven't worked for me. 

How To Fail At Homeschooling

Maybe this will be your first year of homeschooling. Or maybe you are a veteran who has already graduated some students.

Regardless of where you are at on your homeschooling journey, one thing we all share in common is the fear of failing our children.

No one wants to fail at anything, especially not at homeschooling. If you are feeling anxious about this daunting task of home educating your children, click here to read an encouraging and exhorting post about this very topic!